Hopeful

Trying to be hopeful today. We go in to see my regular OB. I will be so glad to see the first familiar face since getting the most terrifying news of my life.

I have put myself on bed rest. I think my doctor would have suggested it, and I am very surprised that the others have not. I had been to 4 doctor's appointments in 5 days and it was not once mentioned. This kind of made me mad, in hindsight. I sometimes feel like they think this pregnancy is a lost cause.

I refuse to think of this pregnancy as a loss. Not yet. Charlotte is kicking in my belly, and her little heart is beating. I am fighting for her. I may not be able to order tests or ultrasounds, but I am CAN choose to rest my body. That is what this week has consisted of. With the help of family and friends, I have been able to rest. Rest, and drink.

I have been drowning myself with water. The first day, it was almost 100 ounces, then 120, and this weekend, I managed to consume 150 ounces of pure water each day.

I choose to be hopeful. At least, I am trying. Every time I find myself getting comfortable, it hits me. I could lose this baby any day. She could be born with severe deformities. We still don't have the amnio results, and she may have a deadly chromosomal abnormality.

I wish I was Tom Cruise and could afford an at home ultrasound machine. BUT- until every ultrasound, I will choose to be hopeful.