Again, I canNOT thank you ladies enough for the amazing support system that you have provided for me and my family. We so greatly appreciate everything that you have done from the meals to the help in the classroom to the prayers. Oh, the prayers. I cannot thank you enough. Please don't stop. Charlotte needs them. I need them. Tim needs them.
As you all know I went to the doctor on Friday, and my fluid level was up to a 6.4. Remember, that is still dangerously low. I was so happy. So, so happy. I saw that as a wonderful sign and that it would continue to rise.
I went to the doctor on Monday, and the news was amazingly bad. I kind of told Kate and Krissie what I could write in texts through the tears. I was told that the fluid level was just too dangerous. It had dropped to barely a 2 by Monday. I was also told that one of my blood tests came back positive for what would be a neural tube deficiency. There was talk of termination, and waiting would mean delaying the inevitable. It was the worst day of my life. How can they ask me to make a call like that? Hy head has never spun so much.
I went to the Maternal Fetal Specialist this morning. I cried the whole way there, and through the ultrasound. I could barely look, I was so afraid that at any moment her precious heart would stop beating. The doctor came in and was surprisingly positive. My fluid was a 5.4! Charlotte looks absolutely perfect in her development. They won't measure her because it has only been one week since she was last measured and the soonest they will measure her again is three weeks later. Also, the fluid looked more clear than it has been looking, you can see that the water looks just black on the screen, opposed to the speckled like before. Also- possibly the best news so far, is that the amnio results (what we have of them) have shown that there is not a neural tube deficiency.
We don't go back until next Thursday. We won't have any more ultrasounds until then, and we will have the specialist do it. It is too confusing bouncing from one office to the next with different machines, and different doctors. We feel like we are on a roller coaster, and unfortunately, the news today didn't bring me out of my sadness and fear. What if there were more misinterpreted results? What if what we were told yesterday was more true than what we were told today? When you're going between three doctors and four offices and two genetic counselors all in one week, it all gets very hard to read and understand.
I'm sorry if I don't respond to all of the text messages. Know that we read them all, and know that we appreciate them all. Know that I have cried many tears of happiness through all of this because I can tell how loved Charlotte is, not just by me, but by my friends and family as well.
I don't know what the future will bring for our little family, but please know that I am scared. I have been on bed rest mainly for my mental health. Also for the rest for my body physically, to help in what way that it can, but mostly, for my mental health. Hunter is almost the only thing that brings a smile to my face these days, and I need all of the smiles that I can get. I also just need rest. I didn't know how physically taxing it is on the body to cry, and pray, and worry.
Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, for everything. Please don't give up on us yet, Charlotte and I are fighting, I promise you.
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