Thursday, February 21, 2013

Charlotte: 24 weeks

The first twenty weeks of this pregnancy flew by because I was admittedly way more focused on Hunter. He was barely 4 months when we found out, and just starting to blow through milestones such as rolling, talking, crawling, teeth, and so on. I thought it was nice because every week seemed to crawl by with Hunter, simply because I chose not to divert my attention elsewhere.

But now, here we are at 24 weeks (and 5 days), and I feel as though it has been months since we found out there were so many issues with my womb and possibly the baby. So long since we were told that the best option would probably be just to deliver because the tests indicated neural tube defects and that way I can start moving on. So long since I felt my world crash down around me. I admit that for that for one day I pictured delivering her.... into a world and in a time when I knew she would not survive. It devastated me. I felt like I was dying from the inside out, and I literally could not keep a straight thought in my head. I got mad when she would kick because she was making it so much harder to face the truth. For one day.

Enter Dr. Refuerzo. Enter..... hope. She saw what the other doctor could not see, and I love her for that. She took the time to scrutinize every inch of what appears to be a perfect baby girl and to tell us why the tests we had gotten back were most likely inaccurate.

So, here we are, on the verge of 25 weeks, ready to walk into another ultrasound and all of the things that I would normally tell you about this week in pregnancy seem so trivial. There is heartburn, rib pain, grumpy/emotional/hormonal mommy, frequent potty breaks, leg cramps, still some nausea, and insomnia. If I thought that I was able to embrace all of the 'bad' things about pregnancy with Hunter because it had taken so long to even get pregnant, it is nothing compared to being thankful for every popped Tums and being startled awake by a leg cramp I am experiencing now. Somehow, they make me feel better and like things are going ok in there. I think I even saw a stretch mark and I initially got excited because that means that my belly is growing. Growing so much I have earned a stretch mark. Don't fret..... it wasn't one :)

I have learned to accept a little more help with Hunter so that I am bending and picking up our little hulk baby a little bit less. If he is sleeping when we get home from work I can call my sister in law who lives across the street and she will carry him in the house. Daddy gives him lots of baths, and is helping with laundry and dishes, and get this..... we are going to hire a maid. Lucky for me, Hunter is pretty much a rockstar and gets loved on by all of my friends. My parents help by watching him and carrying him to my car when I pick him up after work. My mother in law grabs things from Sam's that we may need in bulk.

To say that I am ready to give birth is am understatement, because I just want to meet her. Hold her. See that she is perfect. I know that it is not time, but I wish more than anything that it was! I want her to grow, and to come when she is ready, I just wish it was already June!

We put a hold on the nursery and other baby purchases for about a month (for obvious reasons), and I still find myself hesitant to purchase things. It will just be that much harder if, "Surprise!", things actually weren't getting better or things go back downhill. It's hard living in a state of limbo.

Update: I just left our ultrasound a baby girl surprised us again! Her fluid went up almost 2 cm in one week! She looked perfect, and the tech even let me sneak a quick video of her! You can see her opening and closing her hand over her head. Last time she was swallowing a lot and you could see her opening and closing her mouth a ton, so I was hoping to catch that again, but the waving hand may be even better :)

We're still praying, and are hoping that you can say a prayer for her, too :)

1 comment:

  1. Roll on June :-)

    I would absolutely love for you to link up at the Friday Baby Shower, the new linky party for all things pregnancy and new baby – Alice @ Mums Make Lists xxx