Monday, February 4, 2013

Hoping for the Best, Preparing for the Worst

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. How do people do this? Sometimes I get so caught up in my hopeful thoughts, that when I think about the possibility of getting bad news at our next ultrasound I get overcome with how I felt the first day all over again. 

We haven't seen our girl in a week, and it feels like an eternity. We went through a stage where we got to see her beating heart and beautiful profile almost every other day. Granted, we would have chosen to have a great anatomy scan and not get to see her again for months. 

This past week, Tim and I feel like there have been some changes with the pregnancy. I look more pregnant. My belly is more defined and a bit bigger. I know that I am getting further along, but women tend to get larger bellies as they progress because the baby is getting bigger. I am hoping that this belly growth is a good sign that she is growing or that my fluid level is rising. Better yet, I am hoping for both. 

She has also been kicking a lot more, and Tim even got to feel two really good kicks. I have been trying to get him to feel for a week, but never seemed to catch the right time. He was very surprised when she got him really good, and then once more for good measure. At church on Sunday, she was moving a lot, but twice she made me jump with the force of her kicks! Again, I am hoping that this shows that she is getting bigger and stronger, but also that she has more fluid in to play around in and has the freedom to stretch. 

I am choosing to believe. In church, the pastor talked about believing that God can. I believe with my whole heart that God can make my womb suitable for her and that He can help her grow. There never really has been a day that I did not believe that He could help my Charlotte. I don't know if He will, but I know that He CAN. And for that, I am praying. Praying for fluid. Praying for growth. Praying for health. Praying for strength. 

I wake up thinking about her, and I fall asleep with her on my mind. Most of this is time spent praying for her. Please join us in our prayers. Her fight is not over yet.

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