Tim and I have been married for 3 years, by the time baby comes it will be a few weeks shy of 4 year anniversary. I have ALWAYS wanted to start having children right away. You know how you just know that you are supposed to do something? Well, being a care taker/teacher to children is mine, and the pull to be a mom has been even greater. First things first, become a teacher a billion 5 year olds. Done.
Tim has always wanted to wait, so we settled on waiting 1 year. That came and went, and still no budging on his side. We decided to start trying in November/December of 2009, and I kind of thought it would just happen. Just like that. I mean, Tim and I are in our mid 20's, healthy, home owners, I am a college graduate, we both have stable jobs. Come on, what else is there?
Ugh. Yeah right. The first 6 months go by and nobody really knows that we are 'trying'. I am not charting, taking ovulation tests, buying pregnancy tests, nada. Then I realize, wait, it's been six months! That is quite a while. Time keeps ticking by and I start a little researching. I go to a doctor, and she says, "Keep trying". Great, thanks lady! We try a little longer, and still nothing. Finally, I go all in. Basal Thermometer? Check. Charts? Check. 100 packs of ovulation tests from Amazon? check. 50 pack of pregnancy tests? Check. Do we have timing? I thought so. Seriously, I really thought so.
Finally we hit the 16 month mark, and I am ready to start saving for IVF. I go to another doctor, who I LOVE and she lets me try Clomid. Have you ever tried that stuff? Not my fave. I had hot flashes, I was a big grump to everyone, and it made my stomach hurt, and when you finally did start your period those cramps would just about send you to the ER. Ugh. I was on that for 3 cycles, with still NADA happening in my uterus.
August 2011. I call the doctor up refill my prescription for Clomid for one more month, but she won't unless I can come in for a visit. I can't because you have to go on day 1-5 of you cycle, and what would you know, school JUST started. Yeah right, take off a day the first week ok school? Pshhhh..... fun stuff to be had for all involved! I tell them, you know what? We are just going to take a break. I really had that in my head, too! I promise!
I start the new school year, same as always, I even had stopped trying hard enough to buy a HORSE. Thats for another post, get ready. On September 13, I woke up, took my morning pee, and thought, "Hey, this is day 29 may as well take a test." I took the test, laid it on the counter, and continued to get ready for the day. About 30 minutes later I take a look and see the faintest faint line. I am literally rubbing my eyes. I text a picture of it to one of my best friends who tells me to take another one and send the picture ASAP! I do, and get the same faint line. If you have ever had any trouble trying to conceive, then you know the routine. You get so used to seeing negative tests that you don't even care to look at the results, you just know they are not going to be positive. When you see anything other than the stark white emptiness before the control line, you know it, even if the line is so faint that you need a microscope to see it.
I texted the next picture to April and she saw it, too. With her being on this TTC journey kind of along side me, she knows the difference between the negative and positive. BUT- being ever so smart, she told me to get a digital and get my booty to school (where we both teach). Once I got to school, I grabbed a paper cup, took to the kindergarten bathroom, and got to testing. April hid it from me, so that I wouldn't go crazy for that 3 minute wait. I wish I could have a picture of her face when she looked at the stick. She was so genuinely happy for me, I just knew what it meant. There, right in my kindergarten classroom, I found out that I was pregnant. Like, for reals pregnant. (disclaimer- this all happened BEFORE school hours.)
I always said that I wouldn't know what I would do with myself if I ever did get pregnant, and I was right. I can't believe that God has blessed me like this. I think the journey has made this baby even more special. It almost seems like a miracle. It is a miracle that many people take for granted. I mean, you have teenagers and crackheads getting pregnant at the drop if a hat. Sometimes they even have the audacity to make it seem inconvenient. And me? I took a pregnancy test almost every day for a month just to make sure I was still pregnant. I love my heartburn, my morning sickness, achy and tired body more than I have ever loved my tan bikini beach body. I will NOT ever complain. I know some of you know what I am talking about.
Here was my growing line of tests, see how the line gets darker and darker?
When my husband asked why I was taking so many tests when I was 6 weeks pregnant, it finally hit me. I am now a mother. When your 5 year old leaves for kindergarten, you worry. When your 10 year old leaves for a sleepover, you worry. When your 16 year old daughter leaves for a first date, you worry. I am now a mother, and I can't see my baby, hold my baby, make sure he/she is ok, and I worry.
That day after work, I run to Target to find some cute 'daddy' onesies. One for a boy and one for a girl. I also found a card with a little girl standing next to a huge Great Dane. On the inside I wrote, "This could be our household in a few years". It seemed to take him forever to get home. Once he did, he walked right past my 'display', and into the closet to get changed. I bounced along behind him trying to seem interested in whatever he was blabbing about until he came back out where he would for sure see the goodies. He could tell something was up, so I pulled him into the bedroom and told him to look. It took him about 5 seconds, and said, "Are you kidding me?" It took him about 10 minutes to believe me for real, then his shock, happiness, shock, happiness pattern began. He was excited, but then would get worried about this new human being that we were growing. It was actually kind of cute.
The next day, I cancelled my riding lesson so we could go over to my parents house. They were sitting by the pool so we sat at the table with them. My plan was so pull out the little baggie with the test (which now had a little darker line) and say, "I found this, do you know what it is?" Well, she started talking and talking. I swear, I tried to look interested, but all I could think about with this exciting news! My dad also started talking to Tim about fishing, and I was wanting a break in both of our conversations to slip it in there. I finally gave her the baggie, and said, "Look at this". Not quite what I had planned, but it worked the same. She looked a second or two, then squealed with delight! It was pretty perfect! Of course, my dad has no idea what is going on, and I guess Tim never thought to tell him. When my mom finally let go of me, she gave the baggie to my dad. I am sure he loved that. Looking at his little girl's peed on pregnancy stick, haha! Anyways, he caught on, and was overjoyed!
We are all SO excited!! This is the first grand baby on my side, and oh my goodness, is this going to be one spoiled baby!!
There. In a nutshell. Our journey. Just kidding. That was way more than a nutshell!
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